Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Another Example of An Abusive Email from the Narcissist/Psychopath: Road Rage

Here is a breakdown of a typical abusive email that I would receive from my psychopathic (narcissist) husband, while I was married.  

He is justifying a horrible incident toward the end of our marriage where he raged at me while he drove on the interstate highway at 75-95 miles per hour, at night.  

The angry outburst lasted approximately 90 minutes.  

He screamed at me non-stop, while I was still and silent in the passenger seat.  

I was afraid for my life.   

My offense was: I reacted to something he said in a way that hurt him.  

I spoke and behaved WRONG. 

We had been having dinner at a restaurant when he suddenly turned from pleasant company into Road Rage Man, from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde.  

He didn't like my tone.  

I never rode in a car with him, ever again.  

Here's the breakdown of the email: 

It is my fault that he is angry since I apologized to him incorrectly, and for that he can not trust me. 

Since I apologized wrong, he gave up and let it go.  
My bad apologizing is why he gets angry at other times.  
He controls himself when am I clearly not going to apologize correctly, but sometimes all the anger that he feels, spills out uncontrollably. 

The reason we don't get along is because I won't apologize in a way that suits him.

He tells me that: I am mean.  
I am bad. 
I am wrong.
I am untrustworthy.
I lack empathy.  
I don't understand people.   
I am afraid of people.  
I am irrational. 
I am delusional.  

I think this is a circular argument...  
He says:
I was wrong to feel the way I felt when I felt attacked by him.  
He didn't attack me.  
I attacked him because I felt attacked.  
If I attack him, he will attack me. 
And that's why he attacks me.  

Here is where the Personality Disordered Person invokes the "everyone" into the argument.  
Everyone else says, everyone else thinks....
People had warned him about me, because I'm the type of woman who incorrectly reads hostility, when none exists.  Because I incorrectly read hostility, I lash out at him. 

See?  I'm wrong!
This, of course, means that I can't trust my own perceptions.  
Therefore, I should trust HIS perceptions....  

He rehashes ancient history that I can't recall.  

A rehashing of ancient history is typically included in his arguments against me. 

He tells me:
I must change 
how I am, 
how I feel, 
how I think,
how I react
or else,
a vague threat of divorce.  

End of email.  


By AKA Rose Lee Mitchell

If this post speaks to you in some way, if you have experienced this sort of incident, I would like very much to hear about it.  Thank you.  

Photo by Jonathan Cohen on flicker. 
Title "
and miles to go before I sleep" 
Used under the Creative Commons License


  1. My ex boyfriend did the same thing to me. He was driving like a maniac and screaming at me non-stop. I was so scared I backhanded him and blacked his eye. That got him to finally stop and I could get out of the car and get away from him. But of course he went proudly around to everyone we knew, showing his bruise and telling them I had attacked him out of the blue!

    1. Thank you for your comment. Such a familiar story to those of us who have lived it.

      Sounds like you are onto greener pastures. May you find a good, healthy, loving relationship.


      Rose Lee

  2. I could have written this very post, except instead of 90 minutes of speeding, it was yelling at me (with 4 yr old in back seat), and suddenly slamming on the brakes and demanding that I get out and walk…..in the middle of a no where highway….on our way to a hotel for our wedding anniversary weekend, spent with another couple. I was 6 months pregnant, and trying to explain to him why I hadn't been interested in driving him 10 miles up a heinous backcountry mountain logging road, with room for only one car in most places, and drops off the side of a few hundred feet….and driving back alone, in the heat of the summer, on a hot day…pregnant and with a 4 year old.

    Apparently there was something wrong with me for not really wanting to spend out anniversary risking out lives being his backcountry shuttle driver for him and a buddy. Apparently there was also something wrong with me when he would make an erratic, risky driving move and I would brace myself, grabbing onto the door handles. Every expression of fear, or sadness….anything other than total unconditional adoration…was met with a pointed finger that told me something is wrong.with.me. It was never him. Never. The only apology I ever got for anything was, "I'm sorry that your feelings were hurt"…or "I'm sorry that we can't achieve resolution". If I got that….

    Head spinning for sure when it's dressed up with big fancy words from Mr. Public Relations Spin Doctor.

    Rose Lee, or whoever you really are….your blog is so necessary…and so healing for people like me who lived in this fog, made foggier by all the people who liked him and thought he was such a great husband….not seeing the private unmasked version.

    1. Thank you so much for your comment. I write for my own healing, to get these horrible stories out of my head. It's like letting them float down stream. Equally, though, I write in order to make some meaning out of all this suffering. If it can help someone else, then it was not all just a horrible waste.

      The story you share, about the drive and the heat and the fear of being stranded, with a young child...I have that story too. I wasn't pregnant though. Being pregnant would have added another layer of fear to it.

      After I read your comment, I realized that my crazy driving experience was not the last time I was in a car with him. Not nearly. It's funny how the mind plays tricks on us. Clearly, I wished for it to be the last time, and it SHOULD have been the last time. But, sadly, it was not.

      I hope that you are out, and safe, and employing Limited Contact.

      Thank you for your encouraging words.


      Rose Lee

    2. Thank you!
      Am out (2.5 years and very fortunate how it all came to a screeching, traumatic halt much sooner than I was ready for....though I am now grateful for the circumstances now that sped up the process). and employing as many of your no contact strategies as possible (separate email account, no phone or in face contact, orders that restrict how we communicate, exchange at curbside - public place). Basically what I guess is known as 'parallel parenting'. He's a classic spin doctor narcissist. Impossible to have a conversation without him interrupting, mocking, browbeating and twisting it all around to point the finger. No wonder I had a headache so often. He's a real piece of work. My lawyer and mediator were both flabbergasted by the alternate reality in which xh seems to live. Good for him...but just scary that the kids will one day have to face the wrath of the narcissist unmasked. Loving your blog! Keep up the great work.