Here is a breakdown of a typical abusive email that I would receive from my psychopathic (narcissist) husband, while I was married.
He is justifying a horrible incident toward the end of our marriage where he raged at me while he drove on the interstate highway at 75-95 miles per hour, at night.
The angry outburst lasted approximately 90 minutes.
He screamed at me non-stop, while I was still and silent in the passenger seat.
I was afraid for my life.
My offense was: I reacted to something he said in a way that hurt him.
I spoke and behaved WRONG.
We had been having dinner at a restaurant when he suddenly turned from pleasant company into Road Rage Man, from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde.
He didn't like my tone.
I never rode in a car with him, ever again.
Here's the breakdown of the email:
It is my fault that he is angry since I apologized to him incorrectly, and for that he can not trust me.
Since I apologized wrong, he gave up and let it go.
My bad apologizing is why he gets angry at other times.
He controls himself when am I clearly not going to apologize correctly, but sometimes all the anger that he feels, spills out uncontrollably.
The reason we don't get along is because I won't apologize in a way that suits him.
He tells me that:
I am mean.
I am bad.
I am wrong.
I am untrustworthy.
I lack empathy.
I don't understand people.
I am afraid of people.
I am irrational.
I am delusional.
I think this is a circular argument...
I was wrong to feel the way I felt when I felt attacked by him.
He didn't attack me.
I attacked him because I felt attacked.
If I attack him, he will attack me.
And that's why he attacks me.
Here is where the Personality Disordered Person invokes the "everyone" into the argument.
Everyone else says, everyone else thinks....
People had warned him about me, because I'm the type of woman who incorrectly reads hostility, when none exists. Because I incorrectly read hostility, I lash out at him.
See? I'm wrong!
This, of course, means that I can't trust my own perceptions.
Therefore, I should trust HIS perceptions....
He rehashes ancient history that I can't recall.
A rehashing of ancient history is typically included in his arguments against me.
He tells me:
I must change
how I am,
how I feel,
how I think,
how I react
a vague threat of divorce.
End of email.
By AKA Rose Lee Mitchell
If this post speaks to you in some way, if you have experienced this sort of incident, I would like very much to hear about it. Thank you.
Photo by Jonathan Cohen on flicker.
Title "and miles to go before I sleep"
Used under the Creative Commons License