It's the holiday season. The NSP (Narcissist/Sociopath/Psychopath) is going to act crazy. Get ready.
Why must we deal with such nonsense? Why? Why? Why?
I have no answer.
I know that the NSP in my family of origin acted out during the holidays. I know that my children's father will be doing his annual crazy dance during the most wonderful time of the year.
For him, the crazy season begins with Thanksgiving. It ends after New Years Day. Every other holiday, birthday and major family event will also be ruined. Any time I had anything special or significant happening in my life, he'd be sure to screw that up too.
My last memory of the last special event he sabotaged was a job I had scheduled for out of town. That was the last time I booked an out of town job while we were married. I had learned the pattern. Why bother trying to do anything while being married to him?
The last Christmas he ruined was the Christmas before I left him. I was feeling suicidal for about 15 minutes while reeling from his non-stop verbal attacks and his screaming hysteria that would last for hours. I sat on my bed and thought about how I didn't want to live. This turned out to be a fine moment in my life. It was that moment that it occurred to me:
I had a good life before him.
Logically, I could have a good life after him.
So, I should leave him.
I should get a divorce.
That was the moment I started my plan of escape. I opened a new credit card account; I had a good reason to justify it - I could save money on purchases with the card discount. I got a new mobile phone with a new carrier so that the account was in my name only, and he couldn't cancel it; I had a good justification for that too. My plans went on and on, and I eventually escaped.
I spent many ruined holidays with my psychopathic husband. I could generally keep my head above water. I remember throwing a great holiday party even though he had been throwing a fit for days, and I had shed many tears. Our house looked beautiful, the food was wonderful, I looked put together and happy, my kids were darling. But I was living in a hell.
Mr. PsychoMan still tries to ruin the holidays for me, even though we are divorced. He attempts a lot of contact. He needs a dog to kick. He creates nonsense dramas which I have become increasingly good at avoiding. Even so, he still likes to waste my time, or try to.
Wasting our time is one of the NSP's greatest joys. He needs all that attention. Wheel spinning. Drama. Circular argument.
Time passes, I grow wiser, my children grow older and more independent, I heal from the exposure of having been in an "intimate relationship" with a psychopath.
Someday my kids will be all grown up, and I will be completely free of the custody coordination drama nonsense. It will be over. I do not wish my children's childhood away, but I do see the light at the end of the tunnel, and the other side of it is complete freedom from the psychopath.
It's the first week of December and I have my seatbelt fastened. We've already experienced plenty of psychopathic sabotage this holiday season. We are three weeks into it. Lots of crazy email nonsense. Attempts to pull me into arguments. Sabotage of the children. Inappropriate face to face contact with me. On and on.
At this point, I am a freaking expert at the NSP Holiday Parade of Woe and Nonsense. I can hardly care about it. But more is to come. I am ready.
And if you, who are reading this, are in the throws of personality disordered drama and nonsense, I wish you the very best. I hope that you find a way to remove yourself from the situation as soon as you possibly can.
Be well, people,
AKA Rose Lee Mitchell
Do you have a story of Holiday Woe and Nonsense that you would like to share?
Feel free to leave it in a comment below.
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Found on Flickr
Dancing Reindeer by Carlos "A Christmas Fantasy Parade Reindeer"
Toy Soldiers by Anna Fox "A Christmas Fantasy Parade"