The Psychopath's Holiday Parade of Woe and Nonsense

It's the holiday season.  The NSP (Narcissist/Sociopath/Psychopath) is going to act crazy.  Get ready.

Why must we deal with such nonsense?  Why?  Why?  Why?

I have no answer.

I know that the NSP in my family of origin acted out during the holidays. I know that my children's father will be doing his annual crazy dance during the most wonderful time of the year.

For him, the crazy season begins with Thanksgiving.  It ends after New Years Day.  Every other holiday, birthday and major family event will also be ruined.  Any time I had anything special or significant happening in my life, he'd be sure to screw that up too.

My last memory of the last special event he sabotaged was a job I had scheduled for out of town.  That was the last time I booked an out of town job while we were married.  I had learned the pattern.  Why bother trying to do anything while being married to him?

The last Christmas he ruined was the Christmas before I left him.  I was feeling suicidal for about 15 minutes while reeling from his non-stop verbal attacks and his screaming hysteria that would last for hours.  I sat on my bed and thought about how I didn't want to live.  This turned out to be a fine moment in my life.  It was that moment that it occurred to me:

I had a good life before him.  
Logically, I could have a good life after him.
So, I should leave him.
I should get a divorce.

That was the moment I started my plan of escape.  I opened a new credit card account; I had a good reason to justify it - I could save money on purchases with the card discount.  I got a new mobile phone with a new carrier so that the account was in my name only, and he couldn't cancel it; I had a good justification for that too.  My plans went on and on, and I eventually escaped.

I spent many ruined holidays with my psychopathic husband.  I could generally keep my head above water.  I remember throwing a great holiday party even though he had been throwing a fit for days, and I had shed many tears.  Our house looked beautiful, the food was wonderful, I looked put together and happy, my kids were darling.  But I was living in a hell.

Mr. PsychoMan still tries to ruin the holidays for me, even though we are divorced.  He attempts a lot of contact.  He needs a dog to kick.  He creates nonsense dramas which I have become increasingly good at avoiding. Even so, he still likes to waste my time, or try to.

Wasting our time is one of the NSP's greatest joys.  He needs all that attention.  Wheel spinning.  Drama.  Circular argument.

Time passes, I grow wiser,  my children grow older and more independent,  I heal from the exposure of having been in an "intimate relationship" with a psychopath.

Someday my kids will be all grown up, and I will be completely free of the custody coordination drama nonsense.  It will be over.  I do not wish my children's childhood away, but I do see the light at the end of the tunnel, and the other side of it is complete freedom from the psychopath.

















It's the first week of December and I have my seatbelt fastened.  We've already experienced plenty of psychopathic sabotage this holiday season.  We are three weeks into it.  Lots of crazy email nonsense.  Attempts to pull me into arguments.  Sabotage of the children.  Inappropriate face to face contact with me.  On and on.

At this point, I am a freaking expert at the NSP Holiday Parade of Woe and Nonsense.  I can hardly care about it.  But more is to come.  I am ready.

And if you, who are reading this, are in the throws of personality disordered drama and nonsense, I wish you the very best.  I hope that you find a way to remove yourself from the situation as soon as you possibly can.

Be well, people,

AKA Rose Lee Mitchell


Do you have a story of Holiday Woe and Nonsense that you would like to share?
Feel free to leave it in a comment below.


Image Credits:
Creative Commons license
Found on Flickr
Dancing Reindeer by Carlos "A Christmas Fantasy Parade Reindeer"
Toy Soldiers by Anna Fox "A Christmas Fantasy Parade"

Nothing to Say

I was married to the guy for LONG ENOUGH...

I have been divorced from the guy and dealing with shared custody for LONG ENOUGH...

to know that there is Nothing to Say.

Nothing To Say. Why?  Because he is a Narcissist/Sociopath/Psychopath.
Engaging with a N/S/P is a recipe for disaster.

I swear, I am traumatized.   Just thinking about an interaction with him, gets my cortisol flowing.  Even though I have a handle on it, finally.  I have my boundaries defined, and protocols for interactions.   I still churn in my mind various scenarios.  I think of what he'll say, and how I should respond.  I turn it over again and again in my mind.

It was a real problem during the marriage, of course.  I mean, that goes without saying.  It was miserable to 'communicate' with him.  He never really wanted any resolution or clear communication.  And it wasn't with just me, either.  I would watch him do the Word Dance with friends, and especially disgustingly, our own children.  The common term in the world of Narcissistic Abuse Recovery is "Word Salad".

After I left him, the interactions got worse.  Two-thousand word emails from him were commonplace.  UGH.  The time wasting.  Everyone got sucked into these stupid, pointless and time-wasting Word Dance emails.  So boring.  And no one could make them stop.

No Response Ever Made Them Stop.   No answer.  No explanation.  No description.  No defense.  No offense.  No threat.  Nothing made the stupid game of psycho-tennis end.

Except for the Magic Pill called "Nothing to Say".

Silence Works Wonders.

If you watched me in my daily activities, you would see no evidence of the churning that still goes on in my head.

It must be the trauma.  Hopefully, I am at the end of it now.  Because now, I no longer write pre-emptive rough draft responses to have at the ready.  I no longer spend hours and days crafting the Perfectly Worded Response that might make a difference and Shut Him Up.  Nope.  But, as I go about my daily routine, my thoughts are often interrupted with "What if he says xyz?  What will I do?  How will I respond?"  And, blessedly, my first (or second, or third) thought is, "I Will Say Nothing".  And that momentary anxiety ebbs away.  I can take a deep breath.  I can resume thoughts that will actually make a difference in my life, rather than spinning on a hamster wheel in my mind about "How To Control The Psychopath In My Life".

When he inevitably writes a bitchy email to me about xyz, that I have done wrong, that I am wrong, that I disappoint, blah blah blah.... There is Nothing To Say.  Nothing.

When he criticizes me for xyz, demands an answer, threatens, bitches, and moans.....  There is Nothing To Say.  Nothing.

He writes for his own amusement.  His stress relief.  Because he's cranky or angry or bored or DRUNK.  I doubt he puts much thought into it at all.

He moves on to his next order of business, whatever that is.  And, Lord Have Mercy, I should be doing the same.  Focusing on the Disordered Person gets us no where.  (Refer back to the Hamster in the Wheel).

And, you know what?  With the Sound of Silence coming from my end of the wire, he writes less and less and less and less... which is sweet music to my ears.

I have pretty much stopped defending myself.  Over time, this has reduced his attacks.

Take Care,

AKA Rose Lee Mitchell



Here's a tip: We can't control people, and trying to do so will make us sick.
Check out the Al-Anon speakers on youtube.  They are amazing.




Image of the Hamster Wheel from Flickr.com
by William "not a metaphor for your life"
Creative Commons License