Who Is Rose Lee?

I'm the woman sitting next to you at the PTA meeting. 
I'm the gal you met at the baby shower last weekend. 
I worship with you at our church.  
I am your child's teacher.  Your attorney.  
I am your neighbor.

The details of my story are unique, but my story is not.

I was married to a Psychopath.  Some people find the term "Psychopath" too extreme.  A label of "Sociopath" or "Narcissist" may be more palatable.  I tend to lump them all together as NSP = Narcissist/Sociopath/Psychopath.  From my study on the subject, these terms are often used interchangeably.

My name isn't Rose Lee Mitchell.  

I couldn't use my real name to share my story about divorcing a Psychopathic Husband.   Not while I share custody of our children.  

I must trust my gut.  
I keep my story and details unspecific in order to feel safe.  
My ex-husband is a psychopath.

Because he is a psychopath, I choose to be vague regarding the specifics of my life.  That applies to the number and genders of my children.    I may have 1, 2, 3 or 4 children.  They may all be boys.  Or girls.  Or some mix.  

He regularly threatened to sue me for defamation, slander, and custody.  The court system allows the looks-good-on-paper Psychopath to thoroughly time-waste and financially-waste, which he did repetitively.  And he may do again.  Though things are calm now.... 

He threatened divorce during the entire marriage.  
He threatened to take my children during the entire marriage.  
He tried to take my children when I left him and during the divorce process and even after custody was settled.  
Things are currently calm now, years later.  
But I know that he could flare up again....

He claimed I was mentally ill. 
He claimed I was an unfit mother. 
He claimed I was an alcoholic. 

So, no.  My name is not Rose Lee.  

For women like me, Divorce is the only option.  Living with a psychopath is not living at all.  It wears away at your health, your heart and your soul.  Getting out is the only way to have a life. 

If you are married to a Narcissist/Sociopath/Psychopath: 
Get out.  

It cost me a fortune and years of my life.  He is a burden to me, and to my children.  He is a neglectful, disordered and abusive father.  I spend a huge amount of time and emotional energy making up for his crazy-making parenting.  I patch my children back together.   It is exhausting, but what choice do I have?  We all have our burdens.  This is mine. 


Beautiful Photograph by WikiProject Public Art on flicker. 
Title "Duden Monument (1915)
Used under the Creative Commons License

Updated October 2015


  1. I understand - I too am terrified to share too much too openly with people because I fear the retaliation and retribution. This is a hell that cannot be understood unless you have lived it.

    1. Yes, it is a hell that is not easily understood. I have stopped trying to educate my friends and acquaintances since it is an exhausting process. Sharing here and on online forums is safe.

      The NSP repeatedly threatened me with defamation lawsuits in order to silence me. For now, I lay low, to protect my children and my self.

  2. Thank you. Hang in there. I found your blog by searching for 'contra-parenting'. I planned my divorce for years, scared, walking on eggshells. Then he dragged it out -- Court twice, and many frivolous, vexatious Motions that I had to spend $ to defend. He makes a lot more $ than I do, but he'll so anything to try to be 'right' and save his 'image'. It's been hell. But my 4 year divorce anniversary is tomorrow and I'm celebrating! I chalk up the loans, $, etc. to 'price of freedom'.

    1. Hi. Thanks for saying hello.

      I totally relate to your "price of freedom" remark. I would have spent a million dollars to get away from him. It's good to remember that.

      Gratitude is a powerful happiness maker. Better to feel grateful about the fact that we escaped, rather than grousing about the money we spent to get free....


  3. I have been up since 2am reading this blog. I am stunned, profoundly moved, validated in every post you have written. This is my life. I am just now learning the skills I need to cope with my narcissistic psychopath ex-husband and doing my very best to get through a hellish lawsuit he filed 6 months ago to take custody of my children under the grounds that I am a bad mom, mentally ill, etc etc. Your stories are like mine. All of the stories I read are scarily familiar. The emails, verbal abuse, road rage, spitting in my face, entrapment, so so many things over 16 years that were all my fault. I am accepting this will never be anything close to normal. Like you, I need a playbook for dealing with him, the games, the lack of boundaries. I am doing my best to accept the pain of his weekly tactics of alienating my children from me though covert and oh so sutble encounters. It's really hard all the crazy making. I am learning to let go, to let God. This is too big for me I know. I am living my dreams in a beautiful happy marriage now. I sleep next to a man who loves and adores me. I one day will be completely free from my ex. It takes time. The chronic stress and anxiety settles down though flares up when I see even his name. I was utterly and completely afraid of the next thing when I was married. I describe my experience like a perfect cloudless day, like on 9/11 and then a terrorist attack with two buildings that just blew up. This was my marriage. He would cycle every 3 months with peppered in silent treatments towards me while showering the children with affection in front of me. The nightmare that stayed with me and played over and over again in my head while I was married was, "what if I crashed through the shower door instead of hitting the bathroom door? How bad would the shower glass cut me? Would I have died that night? What would the scars on my face be like?" I would lie awake and replay this what if over and over. I planned my escape but in retrospect regret thinking "it was only me" and he would never mistreat our children. He emotionally abuses them, but they are too young to know yet. The truth is I was afraid of divorcing him, what he would do, so I acted passively, gave him what he wanted so I could slip away safely. I chose to be alone and the pain of missing my children part of the time versus staying married to this manipulative monster who puts on an amazing show for all to see how awesome of a dad he is. He is my demon. I cannot give him my power. He can't have my power in the form of time, love, creativity, bitterness, anger, hope....he doesn't get anything from me, good or bad. He can occupy his void alone. I have decided your comment that "you were never married" is a right thought. I left the dress I was wearing that night hanging in the closet when I moved out with all its hateful energy on it. After 16 years of marriage when I left, it was like I was never there. He just backfilled me instantly. He was never sad which made me afraid for his soul until, I realized someone with no soul feels nothing. How could I have been married and had children with someone like this? These sort of people are pure evil in their ways in how they confuse, twist, create absolute and total pain. Their families enable them. Never in my dreams did I realize I am not alone and other women have these stories who are also suffering. What you are doing is brave and good. On this regular day, you have given me yet more insight and understanding on my long road to healing. Thank you so much for lifting me up today and for lifting others like us up too.

  4. Thank you for sharing. Your articles are helpful to me since I have children and he does the same things by using them as tools to get to me. I also avoid contact but the emails are unstoppable and costly with a parent coordinator. I am so much better than before but he is financially draining. I'm glad that you understand how an NSP is because so many of my normal friends have no idea what I'm dealing with and can't understand the things I do to deal with him. I'm so happy to be away from the abuse I suffered for years as I'm still trying to get back to the me I used to be. It's very sad that the children suffer but hopefully they will see the truth one day when they are much older. Thanks again for sharing.