Thursday, March 7, 2013

Anatomy of the Overt Email Threat

Anatomy of the Overt Email Threat From the Psychopathic or Narcissistic Ex-husband With Whom One Shares Child Custody

This is a breakdown of threatening emails I typically receive from my Ex-Husband. He will

a. Present a kind, decent and professional tone.
b. Pretend Helpfulness. 
c. Lie about me as if it were a fact.  
d. Pose as a righteous, good, upstanding man.  
e. Slather on the drama.
f.  THIS ONE IS VERY IMPORTANT: State that it’s not just HIM that sees it HIS way.  It’s EVERYONE.  It’s THEM against me.  Make it seem that I am outnumbered and alone. EVERYONE is on his side.  
g. Tell me what I should be doing if I were being Right and Good and Worthy, like him.
h. OVERTLY THREATEN to sue for full custody if I don’t do his will.   
i. Try to induce guilt with a lie couched as fact.
j. Demand answers to questions he asks about vague issues that he made up.   

Item j. doesn’t make sense.  That’s right.  It doesn’t make sense.  It’s crazy making.  That’s what it’s like to deal with a Psychopath or Narcissist.  Nothing makes sense.  It’s a red flag that you are dealing with a Psychopathic or Narcissistic person.  Get away quickly.  

An important part of the threat is that He Created This Issue.  
It’s a non-issue that he has made into an issue in order to ATTEMPT to:

1. Scare Me
2. Control Me I know what he is capable of.  He is reminding me of his viciousness.  He is saying: don’t mess with me. I’m more powerful than you. 
3. Destroy My Happiness Good things are happening in my life.  He hears about it.   He wants me destroyed.   He thinks: I have failed at destroying my ex-wife? Quick, let me do something to mess with her head.  
4. Engage with the Target I’m the target.  He used to control me.  He doesn’t control me anymore. This makes him mad.  He wants me back UNDER HIS CONTROL.  Even though it looks as if he has moved on, he wants me back UNDER HIS CONTROL.  

When he sends the email he: 

5. Releases Tension Something is not right in his life.  I’m the dog that he kicks when he’s down.  Money
trouble?  Relationship trouble?  Anything.  Stress?  He kicks the target with a threatening email, and he feels better.  
6. Engages With the Target Even if I don’t respond, he engaged by pressing send.  It’s like he’s using porn.  He had sex with himself.    
7. Gets Off On It  Yes I do mean sexually.  I think he gets sexual pleasure from writing the email and sending it to me.   And if he doesn’t get sexual pleasure, then he gets some sort of pleasure.  Like a child tearing the wings off of butterflies. 

My tactics: 

Plan A:  Ignore the hell out of him. 
Sometimes this works, but N/P’s hate being ignored, so it can make it worse.  

Plan B: Write a very pleasant email where I say something to soothe the dragon.  
This usually works, and he goes away for a while. 
Plan C: Let the cards fall where they may.   (also a general life strategy)
I’m not in charge of the universe.  If he wants to actually go to court to fight for custody, there’s nothing I can do to control him.  So, I’m not gonna worry bout it one lil bit.  I’m gon go have some fun, make some dough, get some sleep, enjoy my life, and relish the fact that I am no longer married to a Psychopathic Ass.  

Be Well People.

Beautiful Photograph by S-A-M on flicker.
Title "Strength"
Used under the Creative Commons License

More reading: Grey Rock